this is life

sometimes in life we have to go through a moment that make us feel guilty for not doing it. Even if it means people do not ever expect me to fulfill that obligation.

the task is simple, yet everybody depends on us to do the job.
that maybe because we have devoted ourselves for doing it.
and people have gained trust on us.
but pity us, who's human by nature cannot run from fatigue and other responsibilities.

I could give a thousand and one reasons why we should take a rest for now and let others have mercy on us.

this is a slice of life we must endure for being born into this world. But God works in miraculous ways, that is one reason why human is His most extraordinary exceptional creation.

bed & pillows

i can get sleepy so easily.
where else would you find real comfort in this world
if it's not on your own bed and pillows
with a blanket that keeps you warm and cozy

General Hospital

this is so far the dream that I could remember almost everything.

I was at a hospital, a very big hospital, with the influence of early 80's architecture inside-out. The interior was more like the KL General Hospital but with more floors. The hospital has 2 wings, one perpendicular to the other. Outside at the hallway I was standing and talking to some people, and then I was called into a ward and entered one of the rooms. There were four beds inside, but only one was occupied. The room was sealed once I entered. Around the occupied bed stood 3-4 nurses and few doctors, preparing something which was more like preparatory actions normally performed in an operation theater before surgery. On the bed there was a patient, still fully conscious with all the necessary sterilized surgical equipments being pushed near to him.

The room was quite dim, lit only by a round light hanging above the patient. A moment later, a doctor cuts open something (i couldn't remember what) and started to perform his surgical work. Then suddenly came my turn. Immediately I reached for an enormous syringe and filled it with a bright red liquid. At that time I knew this was not right because I was not trained to become a doctor, but a chemist instead. So since that I'm very confident in working with chemicals, unknowingly I injected the liquid "chemical" into his abdomen. And then the doctor continued to finish the operation. Once finished, the patient amazingly recovered very fast and started walking towards the door and left the "operation theater". The doctors and nurses were ecstatic and they, too, left the room. One nurse before she left, asked me "what did u injected into his body?". I was stunned by her question. " I don't....know". I just realized that I did not even know what I had injected into that patient's body, but it sure has given him fast recovery! My mind was scanning through all list of chemical names which has a bright red colour, but failed to name any. I tried to recall the name of that bottle which contains the chemical I used to inject the patient, just to realize that the bottle did not have any label.

And then there was silence. The last nurse left the room and I was alone inside. So I packed my things to catch up with them outside, but when I stepped outside I found myself in an unfamiliar place, but still in the hospital's building, same floor, I could tell. But I couldn't find the same hallway I was at just now. Realizing that the hospital has 2 wings, I tried to find my way to the other wing where I should've come out. I knew I was at the other wing.
I went through series of doors, labs, lobbies, consultant rooms, toilets, but found no way out.
I kept walking, until I reached a hallway with many small rooms. A force suddenly pulled me into one of the rooms, and made me stuck on the wall. when I looked inside, there was a girl with a black, long hair sitting alone in a room facing the outside window. Her doctor came by and looked at me, "She's suffering from psychological problems", then he entered the room and sat with the girl.

I walked my way back to the "operation theater" again. The room was still empty and dim. Once inside, I found out that there were actually 2 doors. The one on the right will lead to the hallway I was standing before the operation and the other opens to a maze I just got lost in. Relieved, I rushed to the door on the right and....I couldn't remember what happened after that. I think I got lost again or I've found a familiar hallway, but I still couldn't find the nurses, doctors and the patient.

suddenliness

thx YM, u made me write now! hahaha!!!

PPSMI to PPSMBM

Some groups may appreciate this government's decision but some groups may be dissapointed. Well, I belong to the latter. Though I've gone through the years of schooling whereby the subjects were taught in BM, but I was happy enough to hear a govt effort to transform the learning curriculum of science and maths in schools. I was delighted because when the government implemented PPSMI, I was already in college, where I had, for the first time of my learning experience, learned science and mathematics in English, formally. Indeed, it was undeniably exciting and an eye opener. Though the teachers in my school used to teach Chemistry and Add Maths in English even though the syllabus was in Malay, it provided me a level of comfort while learning these subjects in advanced stage. And since everything was taught in English in college, I explored many new things in Science which brought me to another level of knowledge, not just it was much much more easier to understand and grasp, but it provided us a platform to speak in the same level of knowledge as the geniuses of the world is speaking.

While some may say how the Germans, Japanese, French excelled in their field of R&D by using their own mother tongue, the fact is that their journals are all written in English. I did many literature reviews myself while I was doing my thesis, Haratake and Oyaizu from Japan made their journals readable by publishing it in a language which the world could understand. Zhao et al. from China also wrote a journal in English, AbouEl-Eneih et al. from the Middle East also published a journal in English. Of course there are also journals written in other languages, but this requires a translation effort. Someone might already have found the cure to cancer perhaps once you finished translating an entire journal and by the time you are about to start a research, a cure for swine flu emerges.

What is lacking here is actually the effort from the students and teachers themselves to learn the language and let them being confined in a world where making a change is impossible since they are comfortable at a place they are now. This is a fact, and I've experienced seeing it. The world may laugh at you for having a lousy and miserable start, but the success is even sweeter when one has gone through dejected moments in his life. And this of course, doesn't come in a blink of an eye.

the comeback

It has been a while since I last wrote in this blog. And I feel quite weird as well since I do not really enjoy blogging because I do not find the passion and need to write whatever is in my mind. But then it looks like the scenario might change slowly as I may find myself enjoying writing in the virtual world whereby people around the globe will read whatever you write about. Alright enough of that, I'd like to share my experience on the last few weeks before I graduated as a degree holder. I never thought that the ending was so painful and bitter that you don't want to turn back the time to get stuck in the period of nightmare. For the first time in my life I had pushed myself to the limit; continuous days of sleepless nights and voiceless period, thesis that needs final corrections, a strategic business management report to be submitted plus the revisions for the upcoming exams. It was all due to the same day of dateline that was compulsory to meet, or face a series of catastrophic consequences. Finishing the strategic management report was the most daunting episode throughout my entire study in university. While we had to learn business management as our minor since first year, I thought it would be easy enough since it may not be equally hard as the major course I was taking; pure chemistry. Well, my perception was almost right until the very last semester, which I had to use all my knowledge from marketing to economics & finance to human resource management that I had learned since day 1 in university to complete a report of a Malaysian public listed company. Probably this may be a piece of cake for BBA students, but this could have been a minor thesis for me in the field of management. A report that covers almost everything from their business operations, restructuring, major developments and profits. To add burden to my work, I even had to make a comparison with several other successful companies to provide benchmark informations between them.

But editing for the final corrections in my real thesis was not such a big problem. It was more like a therapy for me doing what I'm more familiar with.
However, with help from God, I was able to finish every single tasks on time. Which I thought happened in the most miraculous way I'd never think could happen.
It's getting late here I gotta hit the sack.